​Reaching a climax in your medical journey is exhilarating. It’s that moment when all your hard work, dedication, and sacrifices culminate in a deeply satisfying achievement. But the climax is just the beginning of a much deeper intimacy.

Think back to the early days of your medical career. Remember the initial excitement, the intense longing to learn, and the passion that drove you during the late nights, the early mornings ---they were all part of the build-up to that ultimate moment.

The rush is undeniable when you finally reach that peak—whether it's completing school, landing an amazing job, or being recognized for your great work. Reaching the climax is thrilling, it's just not the end.

This is where you can begin to explore the deeper parts. Intimacy in medicine is about forging meaning through sharing your gifts. The most important intimacy is the gifts you develop for yourself. Achieving your climax allows you to cultivate a deeper self-awareness, a better understanding of your urges & needs, and the importance of scratching that itch. Plus, it can lead to an even greater climax.

However, the excitement can be fleeting if not nurtured. Like in any intimate relationship, sustaining passion requires effort, curiosity, and a willingness to explore new territories. Enjoy the journey with all its depth, beauty, and discovery.

Have you ever felt like you're navigating through your medical journey without a clear direction or sense of purpose? It's more common than you would think in our field. It can even feel intentional… To have just enough information to decide to move forward each year but not enough to have the clarity we need to make an informed decision to do so. Some talk about being married to medicine but what if your relationship with medicine feels more  like you’re getting breadcrumbed?
 
If you don’t know what breadcrumbing is… let me define it for you:  
Relationship expert & MFT Weena Wise, LCMFT,  describes breadcrumbing as "when one person in a relationship maintains the other person’s hope for connection by periodically feeding them small doses of attention." She goes on to say that those that have been breadcrumbed "may discover that they’ve been strung along with no real chance of ever getting the return on the investment that they were seeking.”
 
At times it can feel like we are given breadcrumbs of information as students, residents, and even practicing professionals. So you may have been given a whole lot of the benefits, a little of what to expect, a few risks, and resigned yourself to the fact that there no other lucrative alternatives at this point. Just enough to stay the course.
 
This is no one's fault. Most of it is the medical culture. Almost all of us learn to keep hope alive by telling those coming behind us, “Things will be so much better when you are a 3rd year… 4th year… once you graduate & go to residency… when you are out in practice...someday” Yet, here you are still waiting for better… but better isn't a particular when or where, it's a what… what do you want? Maybe the dream you had for your life in medicine isn't feasible. Then somewhere along the way you stopped dreaming. If this is you, you are not alone. But there are ways to reignite the power of dreaming. 

I recently read an article about a university application requires students to identify their top 3 majors and describe what they want to do with each one post graduation. Wow! Some people struggle coming up with one path. Many people would struggle to have 2, and here they were asked about 3 alternative paths. What I love about this is they are not just regurgitating the dream they've had (or someone has had for them), they are also encouraged to expand and explore in their dreaming. It's time to be the dreamer again and reimagine the dream You see you can't breadcrumb someone with options but so long. So explore your options. Come up with at least 3 different paths of what you want to be "when you grow up" and what you would do with each one. Then lay the ground work to start living the dream.    

This year my husband and I have been focused on role modeling a healthy lifestyle for our children. We started working out most days of the week and eating healthier meals. We also read articles and watched videos on healthy lifestyles. One thing that was repeatedly expressed is that what you eat has a greater impact on weight loss than the exercising you do. My favorite quote about this is, "Abs are made in the kitchen."

What you consume matters. This is true of things we consume by mouth and those consumed by our eyes and ears. If we consume a bad diet of negative talk, pessimism, and cynicism whether it be about ourselves or others. A bad diet is a bad diet, we can't simply say a few affirmations to erase it away. And depending on how much has been consumed it may be internalized, that may lead to negative self-talk and limiting beliefs. You can't outwork, outrun, or hide a bad diet. It will show itself with your results and results don't lie. So what's the fix? Better nutrition. A consistent diet of healthy, positivity, whatever that looks like for you. Just like a weight loss plan can be honed for optimal results for a particular individual, personalize your diet and you won't be on the short end learning the lessons of trying to outwork a bad diet.  

​

At work, we had an end of the year holiday party. We work from home so it was all virtual, but isn't everything now?! Wow, this is where we are right now. Anyway, back to the party, it was for a group of us who agreed to do Elfster. If you are unfamiliar with Elfster, it is an online platform that supports gift exchange within a group. We did Secret Santa. You simply set up the Secret Santa list with the participant's names and emails, and the platform does the rest. It sends out email invites, everyone who wants to participate sets up a profile and wish list of items within a set price range. A few weeks before the party everyone receives an email with the name of who they will give gifts and that individual's wish list. All the items are in online stores and when you click the item you wish it put it in the cart for that platform, i.e., Amazon, Etsy, etc. Then when you buy it, it ships it directly to the recipient: From your Secret Santa! Then on the day of the party we all opened our gifts together (online) and revealed the Secret Santas.

It was so much fun! But I started thinking what if we were this explicit for other things, non-store bought items that we wanted or needed. We could create a wish list of "emotional" gifts that we would like from others: hugs, affirmations, validations, acceptance, encouragement, compliments, kindness, and quality time. We could even be more specific about which Santa we want these things from: acceptance from dad, validation from mom,  friendship from brother, affirmations from your spouse, reciprocity from your friends, encouragement from your colleagues, and so on. Can you imagine requesting AND receiving those emotional gifts? Your heart would shout: It's just what I wanted (and needed)!

This is love. Love is acts and action, and it comes in many forms. It seems like a lot is said about how to give love and why giving is important, but very little is discussed about how to receive love and specifically in the way that you want it. So many of us in a spirit of giving are great givers but poor receivers, so in many cases we don't ask, then get the minimum or we don't receive in a positive spirit and then resent it. Then we suffer with lack in silence. If we ask for love in ways that refill us, then we can prepare ourselves to receive it in ways that are fulfilling. Over time you will build that "receiving love" muscle. One last thought: if you make the request of someone, and they do not give you what you asked for; know that person is simply not capable for whatever reason of providing you what you need now, but it doesn't mean that no one is capable. So designate your "Secret Santas", ask, and be prepared to receive!

The last couple months have been tough for the country.  We are starting May with uncertainty and new challenges. It can be overwhelming.  And even without being ill, you can feel very isolated. 
You are not alone. 

We are all in this together. We've always been in this together, for better or for worse.
Unfortunately, it's easy to forget that. 

Mr. Rogers (of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood) used to say in tough times look for the people helping. The helpers. My son calls them super helpers!

Right now you need to look no further than the mirror, because...
If you are taking care of patients, you are a super helper. 
If you are an essential worker, you are a super helper.
If you are doing Zoom meetings in lieu of in-person ones, you are a super helper.
If you are taking one economically for the team, you are a super helper.   

If you are learning "new math" to teach it to your newly homeschooled child, you are a super helper.   
If you are being vigilant about what you touch and who you see, you are being a super helper.
Everything we do to prevent the spread of the virus shows we are super helpers and in it together. 

Don't allow social distancing to make you emotionally or socially disconnected.   
We will get through this together, Super Helper!

I hope you are staying safe and healthy. Remember when you were young and played tag. 
Sometimes the It kid would chase everyone really hard. 
Huffing and puffing you might hear another kid yell, "Time Out! Time Out!"
And everyone had to stop and wait. 
You might think to yourself, alright, I have a moment to figure out how to get to the free-base.
And many times you prevailed (or at least that's how I remember it, lol).

Well, here we are in a world-wide "Time Out". 
It's not a punishment. It's not meant to be cruel.  
"Time Out" has been called, but you are not stuck. 
Your life is not on hold. 

Consider these steps for the current "Time Out":  
1) Don't hold your breath, figuratively or literally. Inhale & Exhale. With planes grounded and vehicles parked, the air has not been this clean in decades! So get a breath of fresh air and move forward. 
2) Reassess. When we are on the autopilot of our daily grind, we can forget to assess if what we are doing actually works. Reconnect with what is meaningful to you, and decide if you are moving closer to that purpose. If you realize there are some crappy things in the way, dump them and don't go back to them after the Time Out.   
3) Stage a strong comeback now. We don't know when the time out will be over, but we do know it will end. When they call "Time in", have your self ready and your house in order by laying the groundwork now. It will be a change. Make sure it's a positive one. 

Continue to Pause with a Cause!  
We could all use a fun pick me up. Here's a message from Kid President from about 10 years ago. It is still poignant today. 
Check out the pep talk from Kid President. 

Stay safe and stay well! 

“You cannot make PROGRESS without making decisions.” - Jim Rohn 

In January you made New Year’s Resolutions, if you are like most, for one reason or another you abandoned your resolution within a short period of time. You now have the opportunity to find resolve as you progress towards the end of the year. 

Ask yourself: 

What actions have I taken in progressing towards my goal? 
What is my daily/weekly/monthly plan to complete my goal? 
What will I need to have completed in 3 months to reach my goal? 

Imagine today is December 31, 2020: 

What is the goal for which you will be held accountable on December 31, 2020? 
What did you do in 2020 to make it a spectacular year? 
Is your 2021 poised to be your best year yet? 

Decide, then DO it. ​

I hope you are safe & healthy. 
The novel Coronavirus has disrupted our way of life in the most unexpected ways. 
It is understandable if you have anxiety about what happens next. 
I'm homeschooling a 4-year-old & 12-year-old & wondering how long is this the "new normal".  But there's hope. 

This year has been about breaking down walls for me.
Wall breaking involves upending your usual perspective, seeing life differently & acting on it. Be careful what you wish for, right?
If ever there was an upending situation, this is it. There's an opportunity here. 

It is not about what happens; it is about how we respond to it. 
Though we are "social distancing" & living differently, this is the time to lean into the change. 

Quick story. 
During 9/11, I was a junior in college. 
The act was horrific and devastating and none of us knew what was coming next.
To say there was high anxiety on campus was an understatement. 
When we returned to class, many professors encouraged us to talk about how we were feeling and share our concerns. 
But my world history professor didn't. 
He told us he was a proponent of meditation. He spent the first day back teaching us about meditation.

He said for the first 5 minutes of each class we would sit in meditation and those that didn't want to participate could wait quietly. 
And each day we came in, some meditated, others silently prayed, and some sat quietly. 
It was a powerfully calming 5 minutes.

My professor decided to focus on one thing that had meaning for him in those turbulent times.  
And I bet when he thinks about 9/11, he remembers it was when he shared meditation with all his students. 
A heart-warming thought.

During our uncertain times, I encourage you to decide on a positive activity that will be your "Remember when..." thing. 

It may be something that you've wanted to do but never found time for. 
Or it could be something you want to share with others. 
Or maybe it's helping an elder, friend, or care provider. 
Whatever you are moved to do. 
Whether the walls encroaching on your life right now are in your home or a medical facility, think outside the walls.
What is within your control?
One meaningful activity can create a lasting positive memory.  
You got this!

Stay Safe, Stay Healthy!

You may know that years ago, I struggled with job burnout and depression. I was emotionally exhausted, constantly stressed, and using poor coping skills. Then I started an SNRI anti-depressant. As expected, my energy level got a boost after a few weeks.

I remember thinking that's what I needed. But I didn't get better. As a matter of fact, though I had more energy, I used it to engage in more bad behaviors. The complete opposite of where I needed to go.

The drug was simply a tool, not a fix. It could just as easily be counterproductive as productive. In my case, it was like filling up the gas tank, but not changing the wrong direction I was driving. I was still headed for a cliff. I just sped it up. I had to check myself, and make the decision to do the right thing, whether I felt like it or not.  

Intention is everything.

You can have more money, allow for more free time, lose the extra weight, meet the right partner, and have more opportunities, but your experiences won't be positive and meaningful until you make the decision to do right by your values, your purpose, and yourself. 

We can all do right by making one good decision at a time. Then another and another. So do the Right Thing! :) 

Today we were told of the loss of a national treasure, Nobel Prize-winning author Toni Morrison.  When I was a teenager, I her novel, "The Bluest Eye." It is the gut-wrenching story of a young Black girl obsessively wanting to be white so she could be beautiful and loved. After that literary experience, I hungered for more Morrison, her works and her life story.

She was a single mother willing to share her gifts and herself with the world. 
She led a profound life, well-read and well-lived. 

Today I give you one of my favorite Morrison quotes: 
"If you want to fly, you must give up the things that weigh you down."
To have the things you desire,  
To grow into who you want to be,
To live the inspired life you were meant to live, 
Let go of the things (and people) that are deadweight and slow you down.

Your newfound freedom will take you to new heights.
To Your Next Flight!

This is a bit of a flashback but bear with me. When I was in AP Chemistry in high school, I really enjoyed my time. It was first period, and my senioritis was palpable when I entered the room. Many days I played the social butterfly & chatted the time away.

One day my teacher pulled me aside. She said that I was a catalyst for the other students. She told me that if I came in focused on being productive, everyone else was too. But if I was chatty and distracting, then most of the class followed suit. The latter was unusual for us since we were studious, generally quiet kids. I got right very quickly, and she was right, everyone else fell in line. 

That was one of the first times I realized the power of presence. Like a catalyst that speeds up reactions just by being there: Your presence can make all the difference.  

What are you a catalyst for? What do you energize others to do? Yesterday, I spoke about stepping into your fruit-bearing calling. 

Sometimes we are hesitant to do it because we are unsure anyone would want what we offer or would follow our lead. The truth is, just like with my class, people are taking cues from us all the time whether we realize it or not.

Imagine if we were all more intentional about it & go all in on our fruit-bearing calling, each of us can change our corner of the world for the better & collectively CHANGE THE WORLD.

Do you!

This will be short and, hopefully, sweet today. 
Last week I was at my family reunion where the message was: 
"Lean into your fruit-bearing calling."

We all have been called to bear a certain type of fruit. But we can't do that unless we sow the right seeds. It is up to us to get out of our own way, so we may sow & reap!
It is our gift to world!
​
If you want  more out of life, be bold & lean into your fruit-bearing calling!

Recently, I was watching the modern-day philosopher Sam Harris (no relation). 
He has a lot of interesting theories about life, but one thing he said was, "Focus is pleasurable."

At first, I thought, Sam is wrong on this one.  
Focus is not pleasurable. When I have to concentrate on doing my taxes, it is not a pleasure. When I have to focus on reading my insurance policies even the small print, I don't enjoy it. 

Then I remembered that one of my favorite things to do is binge watch a Netflix show with a friend. I also enjoy playing children's games with my son.  I can get so intensely focused that you would think I was getting paid for it. And when I do my taxes, I'm a deductions hawk and really get into it. 
It is a pleasure.

Focus IS pleasurable. When we rise to a challenge, focus is pleasurable. When we get into the "zone", focus is exciting and motivating.

The problem is: focus can be fleeting. We are easily distracted especially when excitement and motivation wane.

So how do we take the fact that focus is pleasurable and run with it? We have to practice focus. Get better at making focus stick when we want to be productive. One way to improve focus is by concentrating on the here and now. 

Mindfulness is an excellent technique to practice focus and concentrating on the present. If you are beginner, then just focusing on your breath, in and out, is a good start. Sit in a quiet spot, set a timer for 3 minutes, and just breathe normally. Each time your mind wanders, bring it back to the in and out of your breath. Over time increase your time spent and your focus improves. 
Click here for Mindfulness exercises for beginners.

The better your focus is, the more intentional you are about what you focus on, and the more you enjoy what focus brings. And the best part is focus brings completion. 

Think of the pleasure of focus and use it to get more done. 

Super quick story today. 
When I was in medical school, we were given a script for talking to patients about drug use. The first question was: "Do you use illicit drugs?" As part of our training, we individually role-played scenarios with patient-actors. After a session in which 10 of us did a drug talk, the patient-actor came out and said,"What the hell are illicit drugs and why are all of you asking that question?!"

We told him about the drug talk script we were following. He said, "A script? I'm the actor. You guys are training to work with patients. Please just talk to me like a regular person and BE YOURSELVES!"

What great advice that was! Sometimes when we've done all the training and book-learning, we regurgitate what we've absorbed, and it just doesn't feel right. Many times that missing piece isn't more knowledge, it's You! 

We are not meant to be carbon copies. Take what you know & make it your own.
It will resonate! You got this! 

​When I was in high school, my sister Pam whose 9 years older came over to visit one day. When she arrived, the family had just finished dinner, and we were in the den watching a movie. Pam went into the kitchen, made herself a plate, and started watching TV from the back of the kitchen where she always ate standing up. 

A few minutes later, she started choking, unbeknownst to us sitting in the den just a few feet away. She began to panic because she couldn't scream or tell us what was going on. So she had a brilliant idea. She started knocking things over in the kitchen. She knocked over plates and silverware. 

Unfortunately, it wasn't enough. We continued to be glued to the TV set. 
Finally, she tipped over a barstool. It hit the floor with a large bang. My mother, without looking in my sister's direction, yelled:
"WILL YOU PLEASE STOP MAKING SO MUCH NOISE?!"

It shocked Pam so much that a gust of air from her lungs catapulted the lodged food up and out! And she blurted out, "I WAS CHOKING!"

My mother said casually, "Oh, you should have let us know."
In defense of my mother, the volume of the TV was probably loud and our backs were to Pam. Lol! 

I digress, sometimes we get so wrapped up in what we are doing that we ignore the signs for change and miss out on having something more meaningful for our lives.     

Are you ignoring the signs in your life? Is it time to turn down the "volume"? Maybe you've been getting those subtle (and not-so-subtle) signals that it's time for a change. Are you ready to stop ignoring them and make real improvements in your life? 

Begin with being more observant. Recognize areas of stress that are trying to get your attention. Consider what they may be telling you. Take a few minutes a day to brainstorm on paper the new direction that you are getting signals about. Just getting your thoughts out on paper begins the first step towards the achievement of new goals.

Don't leave your goals gasping for air! Give them life!

​Remember when you were a child and the Summer seemed Endless? 
The Possibilities Boundless? 
Your sense of Adventure Spontaneous? 
Recapture that feeling. 
Let the Summer of 2016 be your Summer of Inspiration.

Whether it's your Career, Relationships, Image or Mindset that needs attention,
This is the Time.
Revitalize your Goals & Achieve More.
Seize the Summer of Inspiration! 

Let Inspiration be Your Guide. 
Imagine a Summer of Possibilities.                   
Decide on a change needed in your life.
Write it down.
What does the change look like?
What is the benefit of the change?
What is your first step to make it happen.

Your Time is Now, 
Dr. Chrystal & Coach Pam

When it comes to fear, fear of change and fear of failure, you think you know the future. 
You envision your efforts falling flat. 
You see yourself making the attempt and being disappointed. 
You think you won’t recover, so why try? 
The truth is fear that something won’t work is not evidence that it won’t work.  
Our brains are wired to fear the unknown. 
It is a defense mechanism to keep us safe, but we aren’t in the jungles anymore. 
Our fears aren’t always relevant to the situation. 
I had many reservations when over 5 years ago I changed my career path
and later started my own business. 
I started over! It was so scary! 
I wasn't even sure of my abilities.
However, the reality is when you commit yourself to do something greater 
you get one of two things: Success or Experience. 
Both of which are invaluable. 
You either learn the right way to do something and can repeat it 
Or you learn one way that doesn’t work and you move on to something new. 
You won’t know until you try.
​
Make the positive change that scares you the most. Whether it's starting your own business or a non-profit, going back to school or making a difference in another way, it will give you great rewards. Plus ever other fear will pale in comparison. 

It's time for your reward!

You are Capable. 
You have everything you need to begin.
You can build a business and boost your income.
You have the ability.

Success doesn't happen overnight and your optimism must build to stay the course.
Building positive mental power is akin to bodybuilding.
But, instead of dumbbells and protein shakes, your tools will be less bulky.

Today’s Focus: Optimism

1. Feed your Mind Healthy Thoughts. Schedule a time every day for speaking your truth and future (I recommend every morning when you first arise). This should be a pre-written affirmation of who you are, what you can accomplish, and when you will accomplish it.

Example: My name is Chrystal. I am smart, capable, and gifted. It is December 31, 2016 and I am honored and grateful to have helped 50 individuals find their passion and benefit from walk their values-rich path.

2. Exercise Your Optimism. When you feel yourself thinking negative thoughts about yourself or your abilities reverse the thought. One of the Laws of the Universe is the Law of Opposites which says that if one thing exists the opposite must exist as well. It is all relative. It is all in who you choose to be. You can be clever or dense. You can be strong or weak. It is all in what you think. What you think draws more of the same to you. When you think or say, “I can’t do it.” Turn it around and say, “I can do it.” The more you say you can and that you are smart and strong, evidence will appear to prove it.

3. Challenge Yourself to make your Optimism Stronger. Begin with small gains. Increase those challenges at every opportunity. It’s just like lifting weights. Once you have conquered one mass, continuously increase it to build up your optimism muscle.